Confused...@_@

This whole 'two journals' thing is very disorientating..@_@

It's almost 9pm on a Saturday night...I want to go to bed.@_@ Got up at around 12 today and worked endlessly to do math and econ homework. I'll be gone for most of next week, off to national collegiates (for handball) in Missouri (gad, us Californians are gonna DIE there cuz we're not used to the weather..) so I was trying to finish everything I need to turn in...

Was in a depression/funk/odd mood for most of this past week...still feeling inadequate and worried about the future, the like. Probably made worse by the fact that my cold has returned in a very light form, giving me headaches...and of course, handball and taekwondo fight for the right to wear out my body. Mildly wondering what it would be like if I can really make money doing what I like, mainly coming up with crazy ideas/characters and drawing them...Which means I am sorta thinking about putting some effort into drawing a comic/manga of sorts, though of course I picked a horrible time to contemplate it, as usual.

Let's see..midterm come tuesday, have to figure out summer plans (we sorta DID figure them out, now we just need to bug the travel agents and see what the prices are)...going to Taiwan and China again, to see mom and dad. Neither are coming to my graduation but I figured it would save us about $1000 to not buy a ticket for a 3 day stay in the states. As my mom likes to say, the money can be put to better use, like buying yummy food to eat.

I have nightmares about applying to jobs, to grad school, to even talking to people about it. It's like, what have I been doing here in college? Getting nearly straight As, yes, but not networking or talking to professors that much or competing with the more 'elite' business students for internships. A part of me wonder if my view of the world is a bit too skewed from here. It's not like I need to be a financial/economics analyst or manager or accountant to be happy...Not like I die if I don't do research or ponder the great mysteries of economics (and there are quite a few). It's all relative...I guess I just thought that I had been doing the right thing, but in the end I wasn't, at all.

Kinda like inking and coloring a pic and in the end realizing there was a mistake in proportions or anatomy...ugh, sucks.

I would draw (it's been the best stress relief ever) except my head is pounding and my vision's a bit wacky. Typing is easier...I think I'll write.

Majo